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20131028
20131105
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Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Nov 5, 2013 9:30am PST
. (laughter) the system worked. but now folks, all that's changing. obamacare will have men and women paying the same amount for health care but since women live longer, and have babies shouldn't they pay more. >> under the new law they're including essential health benefits. and those essential health benefits include maternity, pediatric, dental and vision, contraceptive services and free birth-control pills none of which a young man needs or wants. (laughter) did you catch that? under obamacare men will pay the same amount as women and yet we still don't get to pass a can't hope with toe nails through our genitals. business host and mad al toussae circumstances wax figure john stossel reminded us why the lady its should pay more. >> you ought to be able to charge people who use the services more, more. >> women go to the doctor much more often than men. maybe they're smarter or maybe they're hypochondriacs, they live longer, who knows. >> stephen: yeah, lady, ladies, come on. ladies, ladies love going to the doctor. who knows why. maybe they're pretending they're extras on "grey's
Comedy Central
Oct 28, 2013 7:00pm PDT
. (laughter) the obamacare web site is a disaster and i am loving it! (laughter) more techno-turd taco will be barack obama's true legacy. it's his gettysburg address-- if lincoln had said "fourscore and error 404 emancipation not found." (cheers and applause) well, i guess it's not his entire legacy. he'll industrial the beer summit and his all you can kill robot buffet. (laughter) folks, i'm not surprised it ain't working. this web site relies on separately designed say databases and software from 55 different contractors. getting that many people to work together is like herding cats. (laughter) also, some of the contractors were cats. (laughter) and brace yourselves, folks, the lead contractor is from america's ancient nemesis canada. (audience reacts) now, by canadian law we must also they in french. can-da! (laughter) now, the company behind web site gate is montreal-based conseillers en gestion et anformastic. (laughter) excuse me, i believe i just ordered an $80 cheese. and i'm not the only one who diagnosed obamacare with a terminal case of blow chunkage. (laughter) so did president o
Comedy Central
Oct 28, 2013 9:30am PDT
the table 100 years ago. >> this was something that first came up. >> stephen: so, really, obamacare is a discussion that started 100 years ago. >> almost every progressive idea came up with woodrow wilson. >> stephen: what was wilson's balmcare web site like? was it any better back in 1913? i think at this point, steam power might be better than what we have. >> i think it worked better, but you know, we're going to get this fixed. i think. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, we shall see. thank you so much. a. scott berg. ( cheers and applause ). the book is "wilson." we'll be right back. ( cheers and a a a a ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: that's if for the report, everybody. good night. ( cheers captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org
Comedy Central
Nov 1, 2013 9:30am PDT
that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. >> once again we are talking about obamacare because it is halloween and let's >> tonight, how can americans protect their privacy? my solution? a diary with a little heart-shaped lock. then a nevada politician gets in trouble, which is shocking because nothing is illegal in nevada. and my guest, cofounder, who teaches computer coding skills for free. kathleen sebelius, you will want to stay tuned. happy thanksgiving! april fools'. happy halloween! this is the colbert report! whoo! whoo! whoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> #01welcome to the col-scare report. joining us "tonight-mare". good evening every-bone. >> thank sign. >> frankenstein. folks as you can tell i loved hallows eve, it is only time of year when children bring buckets of candy right to your house. they ring the bell, then hold up their buckets for you to help yourselves, and then later that night they bring you free eggs and toilet paper. >> only america. >> but when it comes to halloween there are some real grinches out there, sometimes after a night of trick or tr
Comedy Central
Nov 4, 2013 9:30am PST
mad about obamacare, folks. (laughter) you see, the rollout has been one disaster after the next. actually, you can't even get to the next disaster, you get an error page that says 404: disaster not found. (laughter) well, folks, today the healthcare.gov web site has sunk to new dot-lows. jim? >> we've all become familiar with this smiling woman who has graced the front of the health care web site since its launch. well, check this out, she's gone. >> she's now been replaced screen right with some handy icons showing you the different ways you can sign up. no word on why the change. >> stephen: i'll tell you why the change-- death panels got her. (laughter) prove me wrong, obama! folks, this affects me very deeply. over the past month, obamacare lady and i grew very close. (laughter) i mean, we had an instant connection until it disconnected me. (laughter) still, we spent a lot of time together loading and buffering and refreshing. i shared more with her than i ever have with a picture of a woman. (laughter) my full name, my yearly income, apartment and/or suite number, i even to
Comedy Central
Oct 29, 2013 7:00pm PDT
. (laughter) prove me wrong, obama! folks, this affects me very deeply. over the past month, obamacare lady and i grew very close. (laughter) i mean, we had an instant connection until it disconnected me. (laughter) still, we spent a lot of time together loading and buffering and refreshing. i shared more with her than i ever have with a picture of a woman. (laughter) my full name, my yearly income, apartment and/or suite number, i even told her that i'm not pregnant. (laughter) that i know of. (laughter) i've searched everywhere on the internet for her, all across the health care sites, over at the white house site. i even did a stock photo search for "vaguely ethnic smiling woman." (laughter) nothing. maybe those laughing salad ladies know something. (laughter) why are you laughing? (laughter) how can you eat at a time like this? (laughter) we have to find her, nation. and i have made a composite sketch, okay? if anyone see this is woman -- (laughter). please, please contact me immediately. nation, i don't know about you, but i am so sick and tired of europe with their history and "c
Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)